Eternal Return

As most of you know, Nietzsche's doctrine of the eternal return (or eternal recurrence if you prefer) stipulates that while time is infinite, actions are not, and therefore at some point in time, a combination of actions will duplicate another combination of actions. At least that's what it literally means, but since Nietzsche is a philosopher, it's not so much the literal or scientific validity of the concept that matters in the end -- it's the metaphysical component that comes next: if life repeats, would you like to repeat your life as you've lived it? In other words, after evaluating your life, do you feel it's something to affirm or something that's been wasted?

In some ways, the Bill Murray classic Groundhog Day is both an illustration of and a deviation from the concept of eternal return. Murray's character, a jaded (surprise) tv news reporter covering Punxsatawney Phil's appearance, is trapped reliving groundhog day. Each day when he awakes to find it's still February 2nd, Murray works to make his day better -- to clear up the mistakes he has made. In the process he discovers character flaws and works to correct them, making himself a better person.

If one is inclined to understand eternal return as a prescription for living one's life, it's another way to say "seize the day" (Saul Bellow, RIP). Taken seriously as a way of living, it's pretty powerful and pretty daunting, because most of us have had days, weeks, months, or even years that have faded from the present like water left running. That weekend spent playing HalfLife2? Gone. The years slowly drained through the four hours of television watched nightly before collapsing in bed? Vanished. Many of us who reflect upon our long term goals and desires look back on those hours as dead time that we would like to have back to spend differently -- but time my friends is not a renewable resource and once it's gone you'll never be 18 and beautiful again. So do we affirm our lives or do we look back in anger?

For some time I've been thinking about wasted time as I try to finish my dissertation. It's the nature of writing to be reflective: you are shocked out of presence into a newsreel of your life or of things you have read (or wished you had read) and conversations you have had. You can edit writing, but you can't edit presence.