Motor Vehicle Report: Evil lurks everywhere.

Quite a few extra morons were on the road this morning, making my commute rather hazardous. As usual, most of the offenders were sporting Maryland-issued tags. I'm not certain if the requirements to drive are lower in Maryland than in other places, but half-wits behind the wheel are a menace everywhere. As a society, we really owe it to ourselves to tighten the driver licensing process. Here are some suggestions:
1. Reaction test. When I took my driver's license test back in the 1980's in Pennsylvania, technology was limited. Still, I had to negotiate and ess turn, parallel park, do a three point turn, and be smart enough to stop at a stop sign. With new technology we need to prepare drivers for realistic situations: garbage trucks backing up into traffic, pedestrians using crosswalks, sharing the road with cyclists, and merging into traffic.
2. Turn signal use. Failure to use your turn signal should result in a written warning for first violation, a 25 dollar fine for second, and a 15 day suspension for all other violations.
3. Injudicious use of horn. Blowing your horn for no apparent reason (such as the split-second a light turns green) should result in a $25 dollar fine for first offense and a severe beating for all others.
4. Drivers need to be educated that just because they drive Mercedes, the rules of the road still apply to them. Traffic laws are not brand specific.
5. Drivers of BMWs, when the car isn't in the shop, need to understand that no one with an IQ above 100, unless he or she was a member of the Greek system in college, is interested in references to your "beemer."
6. Humvee drivers should be immediately pressed into the military.

With these guidelines as my platform, I hereby announce my candidacy for mayor of this great colony!