Dupont Circle was quiet this morning circa 7:00 a.m. I sped by the Circle, the wind behind me for a bit, then full in the face and it felt I was pedalling through syrup. Luckily that didn't last too long.
I've got a lot of questions to answer, and a rising dread to deal with. They're related. On the one hand, I have a few obligations I've been ignoring and they're becoming a bit more pressing. On the other hand, I have real "big picture" issues, like finishing my goddamned dissertation.
Pretty much by all estimates I should have been done with my dissertation sometime in 1999, maybe 2000. Coursework finished by 1997, major exams out of the way that same year...a good student with access to the Library of Congress would have finished.
But not me. I had to go and get married in 1997 -- that kind of distracted me from my studies. Then I had to go and get a full-time job because I was sick of going tens of thousands of dollars into debt every year. Working full-time in a non-related industry and trying to finish your dissertation don't go together very well. On top of which, I was still teaching a class at the university every semester. What did Edna St. Vincent Millay say?
Can I make more mistakes? Sure. Bought a house, a fixer upper. It's hard to do literary research at the fucking Home Depot, friends. I won't complain too much about the house, though, because that was a good move in the greater scheme of things. But I really piled it on with kid born in 2000. Note to all PhD candidates out there: you will never get two hours of unbroken reading time once you have kids. Oh yeah, decided to add another kid for good measure this year.
So you know I really didn't do any PhD work between 1999 and 2003. Now I'm working to finish up because the university has this "deadline" or whatever they call it. Apparently I have to be done by next April or they're kicking me out. I'll be done by then; I only have a bit more to write. However, there's a catch:
Did I mention that my wife is also finishing her dissertation? And her deadline is this December. We were really bad for each other's academic aspirations, believe me. In other ways, we're great, but as far as keeping one another on task, well, that hasn't exactly been our dynamic. So this fall I've been taking the kids on lots of weekend outings so she can write. Of course, I can't, and that's where the dread is coming from. Even though I have only a little more to write -- I estimate about seventy pages, maybe ninety, I actually need to get writing it. I need time.
Time is not your friend, unless of course you're waiting out an ebay auction or holding the ball with a big lead. Time doesn't really give a shit if you're trying to finish your dissertation (which by the way is why we had kids in the middle of all this: we weren't putting our lives on hold for some degree in a field that its unlikely we'll ever be employed). Time wrinkles your face, softens your belly, thins your hair, and loosens your jowls -- whether or not you write the dissertation.
So I think I'll stop this post now, before I start going on about the "Rosebud Theme"...
7 comments:
Dr. and Dr. Mass co-Nobel Prize winners in literature.
Sounds like the riding through syrup feeling extended past Dupont Circle....
That said-- I mean this sincerely-- you can come up here to Vermont. If you don't want to drive, the Ethan Allan Express runs every day from DC to Rutland. Bring the family or come by yourself. (Or send your wife since hers is the more pressing deadline.)
The house is empty almost all the time and there's no better place to work. Just let me know and I'll tell you where the key is hidden.
You should email me. Email address is on my profile.
Much appreciation to the cupcake. Alas, I am tied to DC for a number of reasons, not least of which is aforementioned fulltime job.
Patrick J, I have to say, it's glad to see you back regular.
Maybe set new goals. 1 additional page per year. And when you exceed that goal (and say, write 2 pages) you'll feel better about it.
I feel your pain, sir. I feel your pain.
My parents were in the same situation when I was a kid. I didn't realize at the time all that went into it and what it was they were going through. Perhaps, though, it is no wonder I am the anti-academic in the family!! ;)
Ugh. I can't even imagine how hard that would be-- writing is hard enough on its own, fuggedabout also getting married, having kids, working full time, fixing up a house... I totally commend what you and your wife are doing!
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