I have seen the future.

Lately I've been having these blissful visions of an oil-scarce future, which by the way bear no relation to what that future would actually look like. Obviously, in an oil-scarce future, much of what we've taken for granted will no longer be possible, from plastic bottles to computers components and then some, and we'll probably be wandering around the deteriorating infrastructure of cities a la Robocop or maybe wandering the wastelands like Mad Max.

However, that's not my fantasy land, so in my idyllic future the assholes I deal with daily on my commute don't exist. No more Marylanders flying down Florida Avenue as if the future of Western civilization depended on their running that red light...No more Virginians blocking the box and then trying to roll over my bike as happened this morning.

No, in my future, all those assholes have been eaten by their neighbors in a horrific cul-de-sac Lord of the Flies barbecue.

The roads will be full of bicycles. Those funky four-seater surrey's won't be only for the boardwalk anymore. Sure, people will kill one another for their bike tires, but I push those thoughts of parts scarcity out of my mind.

I can envision riding down Pennsylvania Avenue with my family, telling my kids, "Here's the White House. I remember when we came down here to celebrate the night Bush was arrested for treason and most of his administration was thrown in jail, except for Cheney, who jumped from the roof screaming, 'Come and get me, coppers!' Then, after the trial, Bush was exiled to New Jersey. It was a great time."

I also see in that the future oil-scarcity will bring us:

• a resurgence in the use of the human beat-box
• vast increases in public lending library usage
• the steam-engine renaissance, so Thomas the Tank Engine will never be scrapped
• the de-population of inhospitable places like Phoenix, Las Vegas, and Florida
• a return to sea voyages in which "before the mast" means something
• more localized cultures
• Viking raids
• the collapse of ice hockey in the states south of the Mason-Dixon line
• the re-regionalization of sports leagues, with cross country travel being prohibitively expensive
• day baseball coming back
• the death of the internet

Oh brave new world, that has such people in it.