Assault on Marriage II features a truly horrifying plot twist, in which two men get married, not only causing the wrath of God to descend upon New England -- instantly incinerating everything except the Bush compound in Kennebunkport -- but also leading heterosexual couples to decide not to get married because they don't want people to think they're "queer." Western civilization appears to be doomed, until Pat Robertson and James Dobson come riding to the rescue. Despite the carnage and strong language, no actual judges were assassinated during the filming.
Don't Burn That Flag IV, like most sequels to sequels to sequels, is looking a little creaky. Sure, back in the mid 1980's when it burst onto the scene, people wanted to see it just so they weren't left out of office water cooler discussions. This retread tries to breathe new life into the franchise by having the NSA build anti-flag burning zombie robots in their top secret labs. These robots work fine for a while, choking long-hairs before they can set zippo to stars and stripes, but things go awry when the zombie robots interpret their programming to understand flag desecration as including gaudy tasteless apparel:
It's a cliffhanger of course, setting us up for Don't Burn That Flag V, which I think has Rocky Balboa in his American Flag trunks defeating the zombies.
Finally, Guess Who's Bringing Their Estate Tax Repeal to Dinner pairs George Bush and Dennis Hastert as two uneasy partners (think Danny Glover and Mel Gibson, or more likely Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte) who must rely on their common bonds to destroy the dastardly plot of the liberals in Congress (since only two or three liberals were actually found in Congress, they had to use actors) to keep the Estate Tax on the books. As usual, the heroes discover that there's more to the plot than meets the eye: the liberals are controlled by none other than the preserved brain of Joseph Stalin, who hopes to rewrite the Estate Tax code so that it affects more than 2.1% of dead Americans. In this Sci-Fi thriller, the Estate Tax causes all of Iowa to lay fallow, as family farms (the few that don't belong to ADM and such) go under; meanwhile, every mom and pop restaurant closes down under the onerous burden of having accumulated a few million dollars...
Unfortunately, BushCo studios will have to tailor their marketing scheme to deal with the severely diminished core demographic of people who might be potentially affected by the brain of Stalin's nefarious plot: since 2000, the number of estates filing taxes has fallen from 123,600 to 63,800 -- and the Post reports that of that 63,800, "only a small fraction of those will actually be taxed." So how do you scare up support?
They've already laid the groundwork by continually referring to it as the "Death Tax," as if everyone were taxed for dying -- thereby making the core demographic include, well, everyone.
Oh, we're in for a long, hot summer.