My Idea for a Better America.

I've got it pretty much figured out, and it's an idea that came to me while I sat in disbelief at the 2004 election returns, wondering, as did many people all over the world, how 50 million plus United States citizens could be so stupid. The electoral map was quite revealing, and gave me a brilliant idea that's so obvious I'm sure others have also had this stroke of genius. Now all it will take is for us visionaries to get the message out to the grassroots and start the ball rolling. In the end I believe everyone will get what they want.

A little background: about 150 years ago this nation fought a civil war and the northern states (aka the Union) defeated the southern states (aka the Confederacy). Some people apparently think the "war of northern aggression" should have ended differently. I am proposing to let bygones be bygones and to grant the Confederacy their request to secede from the Union.

Here's how I think it'll all shake out: Every state from Virginia on down east of the Mississippi can go, and of course Texas also. Especially Texas. Let them form their own damn country, since they're always on about the "Republic of Texas" and whatnot. Northern Virginia will probably want to stay with the Union, given everyone who lives out there seems to be from Pittsburgh anyway.

Here's what we, the Union, gain:

• Immediate increase in the median income
• Immediate increase in the level of education among the general populace (note: not talking IQ here)
• Immediate decrease in federal tax drains (dollars in v. dollars out)
• Immediate decrease in out of wedlock births
• Immediate decrease in members of Congress holding (openly) racist views

And of course there are other benefits:

• Florida and Texas are no longer around to screw up our elections.
• New York will stop hemorrhaging its population to Florida, because fewer people will want to retire out of the country.
• Assholes like Grover Norquist, Paul Weyrich, and James Dobson will lose a good chunk of their following, but they may gain a country that will roll over for their experiments.
• Confused idiots who live north of the Mason Dixon line but still sport the Stars and Bars will relocate to their new-found homeland. Good fucking riddance, morons.

To the Confederacy, a few benefits will also accrue:

• The two good universities in the South, Duke and North Carolina, will make North Carolina a shining beacon of hope and draw the South's intellectuals (of which there are quite a few). Currently, that's not possible because these schools are overshadowed by the Ivy League, whose influence over the north east currently imbues that area with an aura (sometimes incorrect) of education and new ideas. Who knows, maybe Charlotte will become a real city.
• That's about all I can think of.
  

Judging from the number of Stars and Bars waving people claiming that "the South will rise again" and "Forget? Never!", I'm certain my plan will be met with enthusiasm both within the Union and the proposed New Confederacy. And hopefully, we can sort this mess out without firing a single shot.